A Wellness Committee interview with Kimo Williams

As we all know, Stevenson is a school that takes pride in following the Peacebuilder code of ethics. Our principal, teachers and playground staff do their best to ensure that aggressive behavior is not tolerated on school grounds and yet, from time to time, our kids come home with reports that they have experienced or witnessed bullying of some form. Verbal taunts or slights can be just as devastating to a child as physical attacks and it is important to prepare our children as much as possible to defend themselves emotionally as well as physically from the varied faces of bullying.

No matter how hard we try to protect our kids while they are under our direct supervision, there will inevitably come the time when they find themselves face to face with a bully with nobody around to intervene on their behalf. For times like this, it is vital that we equip our children with a set of tools that they can employ to diffuse the threat and protect themselves if necessary from the hurtful actions of another.

I recently sought the advice of my friend, Kimo Williams, who is both a father and a nationally certified martial arts instructor specializing in Danzan Ryu Juijitsu. Many of you may know Kimo as he has taught numerous classes through Burbank Parks & Rec and recently offered a one day program called “Personal Security For Middle Schoolers.” What I really like about Kimo’s work as a martial arts instructor is how he incorporates lessons in basic psychology that allow his students to escape many threats before they escalate to the physical level. Kimo was kind enough to share his time and considerable expertise for the benefit of our student body.

Wellness Committee (W.C.): Kimo, by offering your class for middle school kids, you have obviously determined a need for personal security in this older age group. Are there lessons you teach to the older students that might be equally applicable to our younger students at Stevenson elementary? For example, how does a second or third grader respond to or even rationalize the actions of a fifth grader who is calling them names? What if this taunting leads to pushing, shoving or even punching?

Kimo: Older kids, or specifically kids in middle school, tend to act out for different reasons. Their egos are more evolved and they mostly are craving respect. Younger kids tend not to be after respect as much as they are after attention. Fifth graders are right on the edge. Many of them have already begun puberty and their hormones are off to the races. Because of that, they seem to be prone to emotional outbursts including anger or frustration. Younger kids need to be educated as to why an older one might try to push them around. I think an important lesson for smaller kids to learn is to show the older kids basic respect. Many unfortunately do not.

Confrontations require an unwillingness to back down on both sides. If your child has learned that it is okay to walk away without embarrassment that usually does the trick. Imagine if grown-ups could do that too!

W.C.: What if a child sees one of his or her friends being bullied by another student? Is there anything they can do to help them to diffuse the situation?

Kimo: I would suggest that they tell someone to call a teacher immediately while they stay with their friend. The same holds true with CPR. Again though, if they choose to go head to head, even verbally, it will end up escalating. Best to just remain calm and try to maintain a safe distance.

W.C.: If a child has done everything they can to avoid or walk away from a confrontation and a bigger, stronger child attacks them physically, is there anything they can do to avoid being injured before help arrives? How can they protect themselves?

Kimo: No easy answer to that. From a physical standpoint, I would suggest learning some basic escapes from holds and grabs as well as how to block a punch. Always best to move towards help than trying to stay in a fight when you are over your head. Learning to keep your balance and run is still best in a worse-case scenario.

W.C.: Kimo, a number of our students have had considerable martial arts training and some have even earned advanced belts. Should they feel the need to come to the defense of their friends at school or might this inflame the situation? How do you advise your students to react when they are the victims of aggressive behavior?

Kimo: Well, my students are mainly adult and as such have a different martial code to adopt. However I would suggest this, if they feel that their friend is basically incapable of defending himself or herself against an aggressor and is in immanent danger, and if they themselves have adequate training to be of assistance, they should render aid for the same reason as someone who has medical training should render aid to an individual who is already injured.

W.C.: Why do you think kids become bullies? Why would a bigger, stronger kid derive any satisfaction from bullying a younger or smaller child?

Kimo: One of the great things about being an elementary aged child today versus just a generation ago is that parents, to a great extent, have learned to not tolerate aggressive behavior in the home. This type of “modern thinking” has really made an impact regarding what most kids are willing to attempt in school. I think kids that do bring an aggressive or bullying attitude to school are repeating behavior that their siblings likely got away with at home. I believe that kids at that age ultimately want attention and affection. When they don’t get enough at home and if they have not learned adequate respect for other people, the result is Bullying.

W.C.: Are bigger kids always safe from bullies due to their size alone or can they sometimes be the targets of smaller bullies? Should bigger kids work just as hard as smaller kids to diffuse the confrontation before it becomes physical even if they believe they might prevail due to their size and strength?

Kimo: I think that aggressive kids, like adults, are generally less concerned with size and more concerned with perceived weakness. You may be a physically large kid but have a personality that is considered mild or submissive. This tends to be the hallmark of the easy target for someone who is trying to show off or get the respect of his or her friends. This is why most kids learn to act a little tougher than they really are… its very common. Bigger kids who are submissive may actually be a more “prized” victim of smaller bullies due to the added respect one receives for being “tougher” than the bigger kid. If the bigger kid shows the smaller respect rather than fear, confrontation is usually avoided.

W.C.: Kimo, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and experience with our students and parents. Are there any other important aspects of personal security that you would like to mention before we conclude our interview? Also, do you have any other interesting classes coming up that might benefit our Stevenson families?

Kimo: My pleasure to help. I think the most important thing you can do to help your child avoid trouble in school is to teach them to respect all other students… regardless of size, race or gender. Help them to cultivate self-respect and confidence by praising their efforts and rewarding their accomplishments. A confident kid who shows respect to all others is, in my opinion, far less likely to find trouble than the kid who has been trained to fight. These qualities are usually what’s instilled in sports, including martial sports like Tae Kwon Do, or other types of character- building endeavors.

I tend to offer this type of seminar in the early Fall for kids attending a new school. Check your Burbank Parks and Rec guide for more info. For more info on adult martial arts go to www.burbankjujitsu.com.